i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
