the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
