Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
