yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
