Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
