My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
