Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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