Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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