I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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