i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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