My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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