Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
