she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
