How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
