she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It's never too late to be topless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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