i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
