i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
