Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She's the barista slut.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
