You're completely useless in the revolution.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
