found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
