I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
