my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
