Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
