Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
