The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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