I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
