My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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