At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Randomize
