"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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