Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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