You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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