She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
