the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
