During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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