Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
