wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
