so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
