So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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