Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
