did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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