My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
