Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You can't motorboat a personality
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
