and you said cock pushups were impossible
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
