no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize
