the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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