i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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