im six kinds of drunk right now
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
