too bad you live with your parents still
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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