I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
