I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
