My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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